The Mayans have predicted the end of the world in late December. Who are we to argue?
You’ll want to look good in the afterlife. So go on over to Johnny-Sells on eBay to pick out an nice outfit. Hundreds of items are marked down from their already low, low prices in the Johnny-Sells End-of-the-World Sale! Don’t worry if the “End” happens before you receive your purchase. We will have your package forwarded to you. Just fill out the form at the Post Office and state whether you’ll be going up there or down there. We’ll find you no matter which cloud you are on.
Happy End-of-the-World from Johnny-Sells!